I wanted to take minute to geek out. Not only because I have a new baby releasing into the wild (which is always exciting and nerve inducing).
But also because, I actually finished a story all the way through to the published and available for others to read phase.
It has been years since I have been able to do any real writing. I was already proud that I won NanoWriMo last November and now I wrote whole other story and found a home for it amongst a bunch of super talented authors.
I owe Virginia Nelson for allowing me to join her anthology and for making these awesome graphics for it. Of course she has done so much more for me, but in this particular blog--I'll stick to the helping birth my baby stuff.
Earlier today me and hubby got talking about the time in our lives right after I had my first baby, which was forever ago now (about 14 years), but sometimes it feels like yesterday.
One thing that I said was that I am happy that it and other mental health is something that is talked about now. When I had my oldest back then, they had sort of started talking about it, but the only one's I had seen were extreme cases like Brooke Sheilds in an interview talking about wanting to stuff her baby in a washing machine.
I had a really tough time after giving birth to my firstborn and was constantly being told that new moms always had a little baby blues. There were even a few times that I went to different doctors (OBGYN, Pediatician and even my regular gyno) when I was at my wits end about a problem and the gist of the answers were either I was over reacting or whatever problem the baby had was my fault. Which was so not what I needed to hear right then.
Now you might be wondering what about your husband or the rest of your family?
Well, hubby was burning himself out by working 40+ hours at a factory and doing 27 credit hours at college (when 12 is considered full time) He was hardly home. He got home sometime after 9:30pm, held the baby, ate some food and went to sleep until about 5 am. When he would wake up, get ready, hold the baby and leave for the day. He was unaware of my mental state because he was exhausted and stressed.
My parents came over every night at midnight and held the baby. I spent some of the time actually talking to a person with real adult thoughts, some of the time doing a sits bath for my stitches and then about an hour of sleep. Then I got up and stayed up the rest of the night and the next day, constantly holding and bouncing the baby. At around noon, my dad would come over and hold the baby and force me to eat and go to the bathroom in between helping his dying father, which made me feel like an even more terrible mother. He had so much on his plate and he had to come over to help me do something I should be able to do naturally. But it was such a relief both the social aspect and the not having to jiggle a baby that I went with it and let the guilt silently feed my depression.
I had friends come over, which was always nice to not be alone at home with the baby staring at the same four walls and terrible Christmas movies. Some could empathize with the stress, some had babies too that actually slept for long periods of time (which was sorta not helpful) and some were just conversation.
My sister-in-law loves babies and offered to watch my kiddo which she did do for me a few times so I could go unconscious for 2-3 hours, but I also felt guilty having her help because she had 3 kids and her youngest was 2yrs old, so again, me putting extra stress on someone when I should be able to do my damn job! What was wrong with me?
It was a really dark time. I was alone with my thoughts and a cranky baby a lot. I cried so often and beat myself up over sucking worse than everybody I knew at the whole parent thing. When my foster sister visited and held the baby she laughingly asked if I was going to have more (at that time I was severely sleep deprived and depressed and my baby was only a month old) and I emphatically said NO. She thought it was hilarious, I thought it was sad. I had always thought I'd have at least 2 kids, but at this rate I couldn't even care for one baby or myself. I couldn't go through this again.
As we got closer to Christmas (the baby was about a month and a half) my hubby ended his semester and had a little more free time and we had some trouble sympathizing with each other. It was probably the roughest patch in our relationship ever. But he did seem to realize that something wasn't quite right with me and went to my family to discuss it. They agreed that I might have postpartum. He tried to approach me carefully, but his opening statement felt like an attack. "Me and your family were talking about you and we think that you have postpartum. We're all really worried." Reasonable, yes. But...
I was horrified and angry. They had been talking about me? They thought I was crazy like Brooke? I had never had a violent thought about my baby. How dare they?! I was a bad mom, but I wasn't that bad. And were they worried I would hurt the baby? Hell no. I would hurt myself before hurting the baby. Didn't they understand that I just had to try HARDER to become a decent mother? Didn't they know that I had spent endless hours thinking about how I wasn't measuring up and how I had to do a better job? It wasn't the baby, I was the problem and just like everything else in my life, if they just gave me a little time I would perfect this too. I was so hurt and angry at them for talking about me behind my back. And nobody else thought I had postpartum--at least not the professionals, I mean they straight up told me it was my fault. And nobody I knew had it that bad--yes, one friend had it for a bit, but I mean, her life was hard. She was a young single mom of three kids with a bad tough family to deal with, trying to make her way completely alone. Of course she had it. That just made sense to me. But everyone else? They did just fine and I should too because I did have a loving husband and a loving family and I did have friends and a nice house. There was absolutely no reason for me to feel this way. I just had to find the key to solving this problem by myself.
No. I never sought professional help. And no, I didn't really talk about it too deeply with my family. But my husband was home more and my kid started sleeping for long hours in her crib (instead of my arms) starting on Christmas Eve. (I still tell everyone it was a Christmas miracle and the best present ever) Turns out I wasn't making enough milk and the baby was always getting alot of air causing gas. Once the baby doctor started having me supplement formula with the feedings, her belly was full and she could sleep more. More sleep helped quite a bit. Having hubby home more hours of the day helped more. Fixing our romance and starting to feel like a person and a woman (instead of a stinky, dirty, exhausted lump) helped too. Then he did less hours at school in Feb. and lost his job in March, so he was home a lot. I started working weekends doing hair and had a reason to do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes. And I felt more like myself doing something I excelled at and being social again.
Over time these things helped heal me. My parents ended up moving in, so that when I, oops, got pregnant again when my daughter was about 5 mo. old, it was different. I had many fears about it happening again, but this time I had so many people in my house. So many helping hands and my one year old kept me going. And I immediately added formula with my second baby, so she slept well and so, even though I woke a couple time in the night with both babies, I had so much more sleep. I did much better.
I was never exactly the same as I had been before kids, because noone ever is, but I didn't fall back into that awful head space. And I moved forward and remade myself within the family dynamic.
But I will never forget the way things were then. I don't even know who that person was, but I feel pity for her and wish that it hadn't gone on so long.
Since then I realize that many women and girls go through those deep lonely isolating depressions. Many still go it alone, but many more actually know that they can go get help. They know that they are not alone. And it's not abnormal or wrong. that they are not a bad parent or a bad person. That nobody will judge them as less. That there is help and it is so much easier to find now.
I am sincerely glad that they have turned a spotlight on mental health and postpartum. I am glad that there is information available everywhere. I am glad people are being open about their experiences so that those women that are up late and crying can read that others have been there and that they can and should talk about it. It's not a dirty secret. It's not wrong. But they should definitely get the help they need.
They shouldn't have to let it drag out for months. They can get feeling better. They can enjoy life and their new baby.
If you have experienced it.Please share.
If you're experiencing it now...*Big hugs* You are a great mom. You are a wonderful person. There is nothing "wrong" with you (i.e. crazy or etc) you are going through a natural thing and it will get better. Call someone. Go to blogs and websites. read up and see. You are not alone. Chances are, if you have a deep heartfelt conversation with some of the women in your life at least half of them have experienced more than the baby blues. Get a therapist that specializes in Postpartum. Get help. not only mentally, but let someone have the baby and go to sleep (it does wonders) and do not feel guilty. Most people love babies and they probably love you. Let someone cook you dinner. Let someone clean your house. it's okay. It does not make you less. Let people help you because most people want to help.
Remember. You are not alone. Even if you have a sucktastic family. Reach out on the internet--sometimes internet love is bigger than real life. Reach out to a therapist.
Do not think you are alone.
*more hugs just because*
You are doing great. You are awesome. You are going to raise a great kid because you are awesome.
This won't be a long blog. More of an update. I have received the rights to my two books. They are no longer for sale through Champagne Books.
I've been debating what to do and think that I may self publish them through Draft 2 Digital. That way they are still available for those who are interested and they can still be out in the big world.
Other than that I will continue to write new stories. I am finishing my NanoWrimo project and a short story for an anthology. I will keep you posted on the changes.
And as always...Thank you for reading my stories and encouraging me to continue writing!!
There are two movies that follow the same basic premise and they are both good. Lindsay Lohan was a good child actress, but my heart will always belong to the original that I grew up watching. Haley Mills was cute and in everything and Maureen O'Hara was a feisty, passionate beautiful woman that I wanted to grow up to be.
I watched the original a little while ago and had some thoughts about how I view it differently now than I did as a child (kind of like The Little Mermaid and how I really empathize with King Triton.)
As a child:
a. I so wanted to go to summer camp. it looked like so much fun and seemed to last forever.
b. My mom would whoop my ass if I let another kid cut my hair off. Then she'd buzz my hair like a boy.
c. Although I was impetuous and curious as a child, the idea of going to some strangers house and lying through my teeth was daunting. How could they be so excited to jump into the unknown? Didn't they miss their primary parent?
d. Why do they always say grandfathers always smell like licorice and pipe smoke? Mine smelled like aftershave or lawnwork and sunshine.
e. Vicky is awful! Icky Vicky (great song from Fairly Odd parents that did not exist in 1961) She deserved all the pranks they pulled.
f. Hahaha they made her look like a fool clacking sticks together and they almost drowned her. hahaha
g. Looks like love is full of fighting and passion and hitting the guy. (In many shows/movies that was the thing with romances. It wasn't until Rosanne that I saw a family that was comfortable, smartassed and blue collar. Not too much passionate fighting)
h. Lucky for the parents that they had twins, they both could have a kid. Perfect solution.
i. And they lived happily ever after. They were married. They will all live together as a happy family. The girls will be the best of friends or even closer as sisters. Yay!
As an adult:
a. My god! All those children causing problems. Destroying property. Covering children with honey while they are in the middle of the woods where there could be bears. Bears! Jeez Lois! How do they find sane adults who volunteer for this?!
b. Where is this summer camp that a rancher from California (West coast) and an elite upperclass socialite from Boston (East coast) mutually take their children? Illinois? Ohio? Iowa, Kansas? If it is in fact in the middle? Or does one parent have to travel farther? Why are they traveling out of state? Most summer camps are not very far from home. I don't get it.
c. As a hairdresser, I can say that that kid did not cut that girls hair exactly like hers. Especially with those dull scissors. And I cringe as both a parent and hairdresser at that scene.
d. Well. Same thoughts on grandpas. They all smell different. My dad worked on machines for a time. He also delivered pizza. So, he has smelled differently to his grandkids. But I do understand what they are doing. Our sense of smell can draw out memory quicker than any other sense.
e. Vicky is not so bad a little vain but she did try at the beginning but the girls made things miserable, including bringing back the sexy ex-wife that her fiance' still loved. Then on the camping trip they were awful and endangered her life and the father just waved it off. I would be pissed off, too.
f. Although they showed the arguments between the Exes and she punched him, they also highlighted their history together. Even the little things like her stockings hanging in the bathroom.You could tell that they had genuine feelings for each other, but they both let pride get in the way. They aren't perfect together by the end, but they have learned to be less self-involved and prideful. Maybe they grew up a bit and can talk things out.
g. There are so many types of love. You really just have to find someone who compliments you and brings out the best in you.
h. How could they have split the children like that and keep it a secret? Yes. They both have a kid to dote on and nobody has to go without their kid for the holidays or weekends, but honestly. As a parent, how could they live like that? Did they never wonder about the other daughter? Just because there were 2 of them doesn't diminish one of them. That would be like splitting up my two girls (not twins but 1 yr apart.) I couldn't do it. I loved my girls since before I met them when they were in my belly and then when they were babies with their own unique starter personalities. I had trouble going out on dates with my husband and leaving them with a sitter for a couple hours. I can't imagine letting one of them go for 10 years. 10 freakin' years without seeing them. It wouldn't matter that the other child is safe and perfectly happy with their dad. No!! I need to see my babies always. Oh, well they lived on opposite sides of America and it was before computers. I. Don't. Care. Nothing would keep us apart and I wouldn't keep the other girl from her father or her sister. Hell no. If I had to I would move to his state if he had to be there. Fine. I will see both my babies grow up and so will he. They are both equally important and special in my heart. Their arrangement was stupid and selfish and childish. It wasn't fair to either parent, nor other family/friends and especially not to those sisters. Ya'll suck. You're lucky those girls didn't hate you for your BS.
i. I know marriage doesn't equal automatic Happily Ever after. Life happens and you go through good times and bad and hopefully you make it out the other side together. Besides, what about the practical stuff? She has a career and life in New York. He has a ranch and life in California. Both girls have school come the fall. Where do they plan to live? Who is changing their entire life? Which kid has to say goodbye to their school friends they've had their entire school career. What about Grandpa? If they move to California, does Grandpa automatically go or does he get left behind? Or the dad's housekeeper that is as close as family and has family of her own in California? I mean, yeah, they'll probably work something out but you cut it off right after the marriage and the girls being sooooo happy as flower girls. Also, these girls might still be close because they are happy to not be an only child anymore, but they might also be so different that they become those sisters that can't be around each other--especially considering the way their parents approach relationships.
There's more I could go on about but that covers some of the main things in my mind.
What do you think about the Parent Trap? Is there another movie that you've watched as an adult that you saw in a completely different perspective? Is there anything Major that I forgot that made you go hmm...?
Before I start my rant, I will give a disclaimer that this is how I feel about the topic. Other people might love it or it otherwise wouldn't occur so frequently. So--if you like when reality/timeline changes or the love interest loses their memory but the lovers are still drawn to each other and everything is "great" again, this is not the post for you. But thanks for stopping by. Feel free to pop in again on a future post. :D
Also SPOILERS ahead for a few books a couple tv shows and a movies. Read the titles and movie past if you haven't watched or read them. THAR BE SPOILERS AHEAD!
The changed love interest being "enough" the same has irked me for a long time.
Knight in Shining Armor and Remembrance by Jude Deveraux.
One of the first times I remember being aggravated by it was when I read 2 Jude Devereaux books. I am a fan of hers and have read most of her books about the Montgomerys and later the Taggerts. But when I read Knight in Shining Armor where the main protagonist and her love interest Nicholas travel through time to each other, I loved the story--until the end. She shoots back to the future by herself and she reads that he lived a much longer life than her did before she went back to him and then died a long time before she was born. But Lo! and behold. She meets a perfect stranger that she's drawn to and he seems drawn to her and she knows that he the reincarnation of Nicholas and they sit together. The end. What?! That's it. Muther fluffer! I got past that book and then read Remembrance. This time she travels to 2 past lives and is able to help the her of the more recent past break a curse between her and the soul mate. She doesn't get to stay with that guy nor the original that we fall in love with. Nope. We shoot to the future and she meets a random stranger and knows it's her soul mate. The End. WTF!!! Come On Jude. Stop messing with my emotions.
Neither of these contemporary men are the guys that she fell in love with. They don't have a shared history of experiences that make a couple. This is some forced "Magic" love crap.
Forever, Forever and Always, and Always by Jude Devereaux
Anyway, years later, after reading many more good books by Jude, my husband picked up a new series from her for me: Forever (the first in a trilogy Forever and Always)
. The first book was great. The main protagonist is cute and causes problems with her naivete and curiosity and the love interest, Adam, is hard, serious and smart. But they work together and grow together until they beat the bad witch, save his sister and fall in love. Then the next 2 books came out and all the people she cares about disappear and no matter how hard she tries with her powers she can't find them and she's told she never will. So--she goes back saves Adam, his sister and their parents and none of the bad crap ever happened and she meets him and they flirt and talk. She has her happy Adam back. The end...
...Whaaaat? It's not her Adam. None of the stuff that made him her Adam happened and none of the things they went through to make them a couple happened. He. Is. Not. The. Same. Man. Period.
Teen Beach Movie a Disney Original
I was more recently reminded of this with a cute Disney Original movie I saw this past summer called "Teen Beach Movie" In the movie, the quiet girl meets a surfer guy who is obsessed with a certain old teen movie. They watch and he discusses it with her, then they go surfing together and a storm blows then around and they land on a beach. They realize their in the movie. He is ecstatic and joins in. She joins in more cautiously. They inadvertently make changes to the movie and they have to make the ending happen or the don't go home. They do it and say goodbye to their new friends. Then they get back home and have become close because of their experience. Aw. How cute. Good ending.
So of course the writers made a decision:
They made Teen Beach Movie 2
And now the two characters from the movie come to the real world and biker girl doesn't want to go back. But they become more real as their friends in the movie begin to vanish. They have to go back, not only to save the movie friends but to keep the timeline in the real world the same because if their was never a beach movie, the two protagonist would never meet. The characters make it back, but the biker girls changers her story and the real world lovers never met/talked about the original movie/had an adventure/ or fell in love. But don't worry. At the end they meet each other at an anniversary showing of the movie and dance together while biker girl winks at them from the big screen. The end.
No. Just No. It is not ok. It is Not Happily Ever After. No. It's a first cute-meet. That's supposed to happen earlier in the story. They are not the same as they were after their adventure, Damnit! I really hoped they would make a #3 to fix it, but nope. That's it. grrr.
Ya'll need to just stop doing this to me.
The Passing group: The Vow and Bring it On Ghost!
There are a couple that sorta crawl under the radar because of Loopholes. One is The Vow. There is no bringing her back, but they show that in the aftermath. They do not get along. All he knew about her is gone and she doesn't know him. There is no fix and they break up. But then they both choose to date the new them and they start fresh with a first date. I'm okay with it because they both know that it is not the same and they are willing to get to know each other in this knew phase. The other is a cute Korean show I just watched called Bring it On Ghost!
Through 75% of the show she's a ghost and they go through a lot together including falling in love. But she's not actually dead--she's in a coma. Yay! But she doesn't remember him. BOO! And she never fully remembers everything, but she has enough flashes to show her she can trust him and he stays by her side and re-acquaints himself with her. And they build a new relationship together. So--I would have preferred she remembered everything, but, I guess I can deal with the ending.
Otherwise. Seriously. Stop doing this.
What about you? Any stories like this that drive you Batty?
Do you like these types of endings? What are your thoughts?
In my post yesterday I talked about that moment when a man takes the first step and passionately kisses the girl and makes you say "purr." You can click here to read it.
I decided to continue with some of my other zing moments or WOW moments in this blog. I was going to make these two topics separate, but as they are within the same theme I'll lump them together.
One thing that can make my heart flutter or my body zing is seeing a man sing or dance well. But, I have noticed there must be other factors involved. I'm not even sure what all of them are, but I do know that not every guy that sings, nor every guy that dances catches my interest.
For the first example, I will do dance. 2 movies I can think of off the top of my head give me slightly different reactions, but still make me hold my breath and keep my eyes peeled.
First: Enchanted
The movie is cute and I like the premise. Patrick Dempsey was called Dr. Mcsteamy and had a group of adoring fans when the movie came out. I at that time barely registered him on my radar. I didn't watch Grey's Anatomy and I thought he was okay. The main thing I liked about him was that he was an older hot man, but personally I was like, meh. Then as I watched the movie, I definitely could identify with his character. The cynical, practical NyC lawyer. And as the movie progressed, she helped him be a little softer and more filled with hope and he helped her be a little less naive and a little more realistic. But, he has practical gf Nancy and Gizelle has her prince finally when they go to the ball. Prior to this Robert (Dempsey)grumpily told Gizelle he did not dance nor did he sing. And then they Dance together and the world fades into the background as their heated gazes remained locked on each other. The chemistry between them is almost palpable. Through the dance, you know how they feel about each other.
I gave you the set up before so you know some of the underlying things that make this moment so big. And my guess on the extra factors that drew me in were song choice because a good soundtrack should draw out the emotion in the scene. Their body language was amazing although they mostly only touched hands and had a good dance frame, the electricity and the draw was there. His singing to her toward the end and their expressions are fantastic. You can see what they feel just from their eyes and their expression. They both yearned for each other and it hit me right in the heartstrings. Who would have thought Disney would give me a character to say hmm about?
Second: Mrs. Winterboune
Mrs. Winterbourne came out in the mid-nineties and wasn't a blockbuster success. I've talked to many people who've never seen it or heard of it. It's a cute rom-com with a great cast and I still love it even if it is a little cheesy. It stars Ricki Lake and Brendan Fraser. Rickie plays Connie a down-on-her-luck pregnant girl and Brendan plays both Hugh and Bill Winterboune as twins. Hugh is kind to Connie on a train but the train crashes and both hugh and his lovely pregnant wife Patricia die, but Connie doesn't. Because of circumstances, Connie is mistaken for Patricia and goes to live with the family. Bill is nothing like his brother. Cynical, bitter, snarky and serious, he doesn't believe Connie is Patricia. The more time they get to know each other the more they like and eventually want each other. In there dance scene, not much is said until afterwards. They keep eye contact the whole time too, but the Tango is a much more sultry, sensual dance.
Unfortunately this is the only copy I could find, but it still is clear enough to get you into the moment. Here, he holds her closer because you have to when you Tango. They are pressed close, staring into each others eyes. Their facial expressions show the desire and chemistry. And the soundtrack is the thrumming sound of the Tango pushing them closer together. At the end of this scene he kisses her passionately and then he's giddy with love/lust/infatuation. Then she kisses him just as passionately. These are some of the elements that made me a fan of Brendan Fraser. Yes, he was funny in Biodome. Yes, he had a rocking bod and was half naked in George of the Jungle. But honestly this movie and this scene made him Uber attractive to me--followed by a Blast from the Past, which also has a cool dancing scene.
Now the next examples, previously mentioned; Singing. Again, it's not every man that sings or a specific genre. There are some really good singers out there that inspire a whole plethora of feeling. But for this list I'm using Movies. Since I only did 2 dance movies I will do 2 Singing movies. There are many more than I will mention, but these go hand in hand with the past couple days post about being surprise attracted to men who normally don't grab my attention except for one scene that started the ball rolling.
First; Little Shop of Horrors
Now, I know how it sounds. Who could be hot/attractive in the male group of that movie? Seymour is a little nerd guy played by Rick Morranis, who everyone thinks is adorable? Or the sadistic Dentist played by Steve martin? Or maybe the evil alien plant? Your probably thinking hmm, she got a screw loose. But hear me out. This is still in the sneaky hot category. The guys you overlook or go meh but then they do something and your like Huh! Interesting. Through most of the movie, I like Seymour. He's a sweet, loyal guy that is a good fit for Audry. He would probably be a friend, but I don't know if I would date him. First when he is going through a moral conflict during the "Feed Me Seymour" song then he gets rage filled and belts out why he hates the dentist. Then when the dentist is gone and Audry is grieving, he comforts her and wears his heart on his sleeve. Then sings to her in a powerful voice that should not be able to come from such a little guy.
So, again. Some of the factors. The dedication to her from before. The score is awesome and powerful. The words are sweet and lovely. The entire time he sings he can't take his eyes off of her. When he can he touches her gently and with comfort. And the look on his face when he looks at her like she hung the moon. Then just before they kiss, they both pause, overwhelmed by feelings before they are drawn together and the kiss is passionate. After that movie, I wanted my own quiet sweet, but secretly passionate nerd guy to sing to me. As a side note no other movie made me want him that way. I like him as a person and in the roles he plays. But this movie pinged my romance/attraction radar.
Second singing movie and last for the Blog; Moulin Rouge!
Honestly, I don't know if there is a specific song that made Ewan McGregor as the blue eyed, earnestly, naive man in love sexy. I did find him attractive before he even opened his mouth. I mean look at that face and that smile.
He's a cutie in the movie before he starts emoting through his love songs.
He is hopeful and earnest and excited to be in France and writing songs for his friends.
He is in love with the idea of love and is open to anything.
Then he goes to the Moulin Rouge to meet the star of place. Satine.
When he sees her everything else fades away and slows down. He is twitter-pated.
She thinks he's a Duke and there are some really cute
and somewhat embarrassing moments while she tries to catch his interest.
Maybe the first song he sings to her was where his actual voice and body language made him unforgettable to me.
In order to catch her attention he belts out "Your Song" with such an intense and then gradually playful look on his face, I was like Satine and half fell in love there.
The score is great. The soundtrack is moving and the love story is epic. In every song he sings to her or they sing together, he always maintains eye contact and you can always tell how he feels. Whether it's flirty, or true love or anguish like in the Roxanne tango below.
His voice, his expression and his body language draws you in. Makes you fall a little in love. Causes a zing moment and tears your heart out when he cries. This movie came out in 2000 and I think I'm still a little in love with Christian. lol. But before that I vaguely knew who Ewan McGregor was. And even after that, when he played Obi Wan kenobe and many other great parts, he doesn't sing his heart out or smile his way into my soul. Something about his singing and the look in his eyes is what caught me.
Like usual, there are other movies and shows where the guy sings or dances and brings that attraction but for now, I think these suffice.
Tell me, do you have an actor or scene where the dance or singing either made you feel desire or fall a little in love with the man?
I'd love it if you shared with me. Chances are, I probably have seen it but just did not post it on here.
The title probably sucks but I wanted to convey some of what I planned to blog.
I hadn't thought about it for a while, but then this past spring/summer during quarantine I didn't have my usual set of shows to watch and I decided to binge watch "The New Girl" because Zoe is adorable.
This picture doesn't have coach from 1st season, who I thought was funny, but it has the main cast of the rest of the seasons. It was apparent that Nick and Jesse were closer than she was with the others so I knew he would be a future love interest. With that in mind I watched his character. I liked his snark and humor but didn't find him particularly attractive. Funny and sweet but not really rawr.
Body wise Schmidt has Nick beat. Soulful puppy-dog eyes are Winston and Coach was a tough guy. Nick is grouchy, snarky, funny and sweet. He grumbles but he is always there for his friends and especially for Jesse. Above and beyond much of the time.
So the relationship loomed but was kept at bay because of both of their neurotic personalities and the rules of the loft (no having sex with Jess #1 rule). I figured their relationship would be cute just like them. But steamy? Hot? Toe curlingly WOW...no.
Imagine my surprise when near the end of season 2 Nick delivered that moment of Holy Shit. I felt a flash of attraction and said hmm...
During that episode, while playing their drinking game, the others locked them in a room to make them kiss and Nick freaked out and said "Not like this!" and then he literally climbed out the window and we figure ok. She's clueless, but we know he really likes her. Episode is wrapping up. They both got woke up solved a mystery and were shuffling off to bed. Then Wham! Out of nowhere he grabs her and just devours her mouth. Purr. (Scene below)
And if any of you think he forced her against her will. No. They both have been attracted to each other and wanted each other. He just made the first move. Like in this new word I love.
Not only did he get Jess's attention he caught ours too. We sat up and said. Wait a minute. Nick is sneaky hot. And we cheered that he got up the gumption to kiss her. He might have left her dumbfounded but he also left me dumbfounded too.
I thought about it. There are some other movies or shows I've watched where the main love interest was rather meh. to me but then he took the girl in his arms and kissed her silly and after that I was hooked.
Another example is "The Notebook"
I thought they were cute when they were young. And he was okay attractive, I definitely liked him better with some scruff and muscle, but it wasn't until this scene that I sat up and said Hot Damn, Noah!
Again. Sneaky Hot.
The next scene is steamy too, adding another layer to the attraction factor.
Something about the man taking charge and just taking control and drawing out a response with his passion just trips my trigger. And it is always surprising when they take a guy that is likeable to me but not exactly a heartthrob and makes me take notice and think of them as a passionate desirable man.
What do you think? Do you like a man who takes control? One who acts like you are the oxygen he desperately needs to breath. That you are what drives him to be passionate.
What movies or shows have you watched where the man took control and brought up the steaminess by kissing his partner (girl or guy) silly?
Originally I was going to try to just pick up where I left off and write about some Blog ideas that have been pickling in my brain.
Instead I decided to start off with a fizzle. And write a little about the last few months.
If you follow my blog posts, you'll see that I was going pretty good and then I needed to pull back a little in order to beat NaNo WriMo last year. I knew that if I tried to keep up my daily blogging and try to do my daily word count, I would fail. But I fully planned to pick up blogging again in December; maybe not daily but I could at least get a blog post up weekly.
But then the holidays came up and even though I wasn't working a day job yet, the stresses of trying to make Christmas nice for my kids kept me away from my computer. The more I stress, the more I clean my house. Or take naps.
My husband had missed quite a few days each week of his work but we at least had unemployment, until we didn't. So I started applying places and one of the local dollar stores needed a Asst. Manager (Which has as much authority as being a cashier--except I could handle the deposit money.) But they needed only nights and weekends, which might not be so bad except I get up with my husband at 4am when he goes to work and my kids have school. Just about the time they were finishing and he got home, I was leaving for the night. And I was never given any weekend days off--even when I requested a day. So--I didn't see much of my family and I wasn't making very much money. And also, Hubby's health issues got worse. The doctor's put him on medical leave until the end of this month so his money disappeared starting the end of January.
At my work place the usual manager took very ill and still has not returned because of her health, and her acting manager and another manager from a nearby store got a power trip and had a dislike for me for reasons I have only guessed (The previous manager they are trying to steal the store from hired me. The acting manager's BFF couldn't pass the manager test and I "took" her job. The BFF is psycho and tried to pick a fight with me the second week and pinned the blame on me to corporate and to her buddy acting manager. And maybe some other non-logical reasons) I really don't have solid reasons, but they were being passive aggressive and giving me extra work and stupid jobs that were near impossible to finish by closing time. They left snarky notes about what I didn't do or didn't complete and they talked shit about me to all the cashiers. I put up with it, even though it was draining and stressful. My husband was continuously telling me I needed to quit. The last straw happened when they harassed me and black mailed me to come into work against doctor's orders even though I had a note, they wrote me up. And because they were angry at me for calling off for the first time, they told the cashiers that they would be getting me out of their soon and planned to up their blame game to corporate so that every problem was my fault.
I finally got tired of their crap. I graduated from high-school (I shouldn't have to deal with it at work from supposed adults) over 20yrs ago and this job was not nearly as important or as enjoyable as being a hairstylist or a substitute teacher. Plus, they didn't pay me nearly enough to deal with the stress. For the first time in twenty years, I flat out quit my job instead of putting in my two-weeks notice because I had had enough.
The reason for this backstory/information dump (Which is a no-no in writing a novel, but is probably okay in blogging) is to show a little of the day-to-day emotional/mental stress that has been going on since New Year's. that doesn't include my husband's health issues or his multiple appointments. Nor does it include the sick elderly cats I have worried about or any of the financial crap.
Because of this, I have been exhausted. On my days off I oversleep and usually still take a nap. When I was awake and at home, I felt guilty about my laziness pertaining to housework and would kill myself to get all the basics done (dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning bathroom and a few loads of laundry) before I would have to go to work and haul around heavy boxes and stock shelves. My knees are stiff and painful and my shoulder issue has flared up. And as for critical thinking (in order to help my kids with their school work) I have been able to scrape out the dregs clinging to the bottom of my brain.
And creativity? During this past month it has been near impossible to find. I was inspired maybe 2 days since before New Year's to continue on my book and that was only a few pages worth each time. I have been reading some new authors and have at least been able to follow the stories and enjoy them. I have also been watching a few shows like Wanda-Vision and enjoy those as well, but when it comes to creating anything my brain is numb.
I quit last week on my daughter's bday. I still feel residual irritation or the feeling of being overwhelmed. I'm hoping the side effects of being at that negative workspace will wear off soon. My husband's health is still--meh. But at least we found out the spot on his liver is not cancerous. And some of the other things aren't as dark as they were, so maybe I'll get my groove back.
Part of getting in the swing of things is this blog. I took a shower got my favorite tea and sat down to write on here. And I plan to write some more of my story sometime today, even if it is only a few pages.
I have read some writing advice that says basically that it doesn't matter what's going on. Writing is a job and you can't call off work because you are sad. You have to write every single day. And I've tried to follow that advice. I've applied it to being a hairstylist successfully.
But there is something different about writing for me. I can't just write. When I'm emotionally and mentally tapped out, there's nothing there to use. If I get stressed enough, I stop feeling emotions completely. Thankfully, it's only happened a handful of times and I never feel upset about it. I logically know this is bad and discuss it with my husband, who takes it seriously. I haven't gotten that numb in a while, but there is a pervading numbness creeping through my brain. It's like the warning tingles you get in your foot before it's dead. Except with my brain (or heart if you would rather) My creativity goes hand in hand with my emotions and if they hide from the ugly of the world they take my muse with them until it is safe. Yes, I could probably write words on paper, but they would be stilted and mechanical. They wouldn't flow or have life and that's even if I could force my weary body to sit in front of the keyboard that long.
But the darkness is ebbing and cobwebs are thinning today. So today I blog and maybe write the next part of my book. And hopefully tomorrow it will be even better. I can always keep hoping.
Honestly, I am tired after writing this blog and will probably read my book for a while as I fight the urge to take a nap. Hopefully, after a rest I will be back here typing away on my novel.
How do you guys deal with stress, exhaustion, weariness and/or numbness if you get that way sometimes?
Do you follow advice and just write anyway or do you take time to recoup?
I'd love some advice or at least knowledge that I'm not the only one. I hope to hear from you.
