Day 6 Life is a mess right now. That's why I'm focusing on positivity

    Everyone will tell you that 2020 is a shit show on so many fronts. 

Just a recap on some of the things:

*All the fires. From Australia to the west coast of the U.S.A

*The corona virus that is getting worse as we head into flu season

*The people fighting about masks versus no masks

*The mess of George Flloyd and his horrible death followed by large gatherings (from peaceful to mobs and riots) during the lock down put into place to try to slow the spread of the virus. 

*The fighting about politics between people who used to be friends or family, and now there are horrible breaks for various reasons.

*The many celebrity deaths

*The stock market crashing 

*People struggling financially and the people who can help too worried about one upping each other over the bills to actually get people the help they need.

*The depression, loneliness and suicides that spiked during lock down.

*Schools being a mess. 

*Jobs are also a mess.

*And the constant anxiety and fear of all of these thing.

    I know I've probably missed a few things but I was listing these off the top of my head. 

    Just listing these brings on a sense of overwhelming hugeness of the bad shit, ya know?

I've decided that I want to focus on the bright side, as best I can. It's easy to brood on the bad and gnash my teeth and cry into my pillow, but I don't want to feel like that all the time. I want to be (somewhat) at peace or as close as I can get. 

    I have been posting to my social media, but it has usually been funny memes, a photo I took, or sharing these blog posts that I'm working on everyday in preparation. Some days I don't stay on social media because there are so many angry butt-hurt people snapping and snarling at each other. Over any of the above things. Politics being one of the biggest as the election is only a couple weeks away.

    It's not that I want to bury my head in the sand and be ignorant, but I have friends and family that keep abreast of the situation. I see things in the short time I pop onto my social media. I read things and hubby watches different news. So, I do know what's happening, but I need a break for my mental health. 

    So, I have been writing. I have been rereading a favorite series. I play scrabble go and can tell when I'm off. I've done some Yoga and plan to walk more once again. And I have had some great conversations with my kids, hubby, parents and some friends on the phone about nearly anything but gloom and doom.

    Most days, it works and I am able to enjoy the positives in my life. Some days the stress, depression and anxiety swamp me and suffocate me. Thankfully it usually ebbs before too long. I go to bed and sleep hard and generally it's a good reset.

    No. I won't put my political views on my pages. No, I won't fight over masks vs no masks. No I won't argue over unemployment vs those working. No I won't talk about money or stocks or federal help. etc.. you get it. Partly it's for my own peace of mind. Partly it's from years of conditioning as a hairstylist (we were taught no  talking about topics of conflict; politics, religion, sports, and sex).

    Hopefully, I can keep up the optimism and keep myself sane and content-ish.

    What are some of the things you have done to deal with this crazy world? Are you a fighter or a peacemaker? Are you doing anything for self care? What are some good things you focus on?

Day 5. Why do teens and young adults feel the need to find " True Love" Asap?

 

    I am not writing this blog to answer that question. I honestly don't know the answers. What this is is more of a reflection brought on by some conversations with my daughters. 

    One of my daughters is going to be 14yrs old soon. She occasionally thinks a boy looks cute but that's about it. I have talked to both my daughters about how I didn't really care what their preference was in a mate, but that I wanted them to not get too serious about any relationships until they are at least out of high-school.  I know that some highschool sweethearts stay together but overall the chances are slim. Most young passionate relationships burn hot and then burn out. And that is including a lot of young adult relationships. Attraction, passion and desire are the main forces driving the relationship until the "Honeymoon period" (6mo-1 yr) is over and the relationship has no foundation and crumbles.

    So both my girls plan to be cautious and focus on their lives mostly for a bit. That doesn't mean that they may not date, but I hope that it means that they took my words to heart and will proceed slowly. Both say that they want to find a best friend and partner to enjoy hobbies with. And that sounds good. I hope they stick to that.

    Now my 14 yr old has a close friend who is looking for love. She has already "dated" some boys (thankfully innocently with chaperoning parents or at school get-togethers) And had a toxic boyfriend for a year, where they broke up and got back together again and again. The reason she gave my daughter was that "He was her last chance at love" Mind you, this was last year when they were in 7th grade. 

...

    I mean, What the hell! Dude. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have more options out there in the world than in that one middle-school pond.  Why is she so desperately seeking a big romance at her age?

    I also had a young coworker who was around 20yrs old and she was afraid of becoming an old maid. She hadn't had "Love" in over a year. Her friends were dating left and right but she was alone and probably would be  forever, so she said. And I looked at this pretty (Young) girl and thought; there is no expiration date. There are people in the 80s getting married. You are so young and you have so many years. Enjoy being with you and worry about the rest later.

    Then I remembered being between my daughters' ages and my coworkers age. And even a little beyond that and remembered what I felt like back then. At 14 I was boy crazy. By sixteen I dated guys that were no good, but I was overweight and had self-esteem issues so I was happy any guy liked me. 

    When I was an "adult" 18+. I felt lonely. It seemed everyone had someone that loved them. I was surrounded by friends and family in committed relationships. And I often felt like a third wheel. I also felt unwanted. I remember thinking that I was going to give up on love and just become an crazy cat lady. And I vaguely wished I were attracted to women because being with guys seemed impossible. I felt like an Old maid at 22 and still single.

    I was lucky that when I found my mate later that year, he and I became best friends and partners. We enjoyed all the youthful exuberance but we also enjoyed each others company outside of the bedroom.  And we have grown together and have supported each other. I realize now, as many of the friends' relationships fell apart, that I really did get lucky. But until then I was actively "looking for Love".

    I've thought about the why of it all. Why is there this desperation in the young? Why is there this pressure to be "In Love" so young?

    Back in other eras the life expectancy was lower so people got married (or handfasted) early so they could raise a family. And have many children to help with the family business (merchant, farmer, nobility, etc.)

    Biologically, a young female is sought after because they are healthier and have many child bearing years, while the female usually seeks a mate that is stable and economically secure so they feel safe to start a life.

    Socially We are inundated with romance. It's in our movies and television. In our novels, comics, poetry, and music. Even stories that aren't centered  on Romance usually have romance because it makes the story richer and more meaningful.

    Psychologically many younger people feel confused and a bit lost. There are so many hormones rushing through the body. So many changes physically. And then there is this pressure to figure out what you want to be and which college to go to, when not that long ago they were simply kids. And on top of that general confusion of figuring out who you are as an individual, many young people come from broken homes (to one degree or another) and are searching for connection, intimacy, and belonging. They want to be wanted. They want a person who is home to them.

    Maybe some of these factor into it. Maybe all of them or none of them. I really don't know. 

    It just seems like there are a lot of really young people searching for some type of intimacy. Even the boys who are driven to physical wanting. Usually that is part of the need for intimacy that is acceptably manly.

    And I guess there is not much we can really do about it. Romance has been in our art and minds for centuries. The beetles said: All you need is love.  We strive to be part of the magic that is true love through our entire lives until we die. The only thing we can do is try to talk to our children. And to try to be a good example if we are lucky enough to be in a healthy committed relationship. And then hope that they don't get serious when they are too young. And know that they will probably get hurt, but hope they don't get their heart broken too badly. And hope that they have learned the difference between a healthy relationships and toxic relationships.

    And continue this trend of telling girls to look forward to more than a big perfect wedding day. Yes, they should enjoy their wedding day. They should want to join there lives with their best friend and lover someday. But they should know that there is more after that. That it doesn't end right after the wedding day like in a Disney movie (And they lived happily ever after...). That they should follow their goals or explore different options as they will have different interest as they grow and change.  Maybe not turn people off to marriage as less and less people are getting married today. But maybe teach them to wait until the "Honeymoon Period" is over to start getting to know each other with their masks off.

Again. This post is more my thought about this more than an answer to the questions. 

Do you remember when you were young? How did you feel about romance/love? Do you have ideas on what pushes the young to search for love? Have you noticed?

Day Four a day late. Life and other inconveniences

 

Life is crazy!

    Life has a way of veering way off course or just getting so crazy busy that you find yourself forgetting to do stuff or simply remembering a week later after the dust settles.

    It hasn't been a week, but I made a goal to blog everyday to help get me in the rhythm of writing every day for NaNoWriMo.  I missed a day and I could beat myself up over it which would make me feel bad and a bit guilty and if I get bummed enough I might just throw my hands up and say "This is pointless. I'll never stick to a schedule. Life's too crazy. I give up!" Then go skulk off and feel sorry for myself.

    But the thing about building habits and continuing toward a goal that you really want to reach is that you have to keep going. There will be obstacles. Life will throw shit at you. There will be days that you just can't sit down and write. And that's ok. That's life. The next day you pull yourself up. Sit down and put words on paper (whether real or MS word doc). And just keep going.

    This works for other goals that you want to make a habit. Want to eat better. Little baby steps and stubbornly moving forward. Will you occasionally eat something that's crap. Yeah. probably. But the next day you won't.  Trying to exercise more. Will you take time off. Most likely, especially at the beginning when you're sore and achy more often. And probably if you get sick or hurt. But guess what. When you feel better go back out there and do some low impact exercise and get back into routine. 

etc. With any goal, you can't get discouraged and beat yourself up. You have to keep Moving forward.

Or in the words of Dory:

    So, here is my Blog from yesterday that I missed. I have it here today. I  may try to do like I do with NaNo Wrimo and do some extra writing today to make up for being late. But I may not. Life is still a bit chaotic and it's hard to concentrate so I may not do extra, But I did get something out there. Better late than never.

Not all tv/movie adaptions suck

 Adaptions suck, right?

    On many occasions I've found this to be true. I bet you can count at least a half a dozen sucktastic adaptions if you think about it.

    Like many book lovers, it irritates the hell out of me when they really go way off the plot. I could probably rant at length about all of them, but with so much negativity in the world, I've decided to only mention 2 that irked me the most before mentioning those that did a good job following the original plot.

The Secret Circle by LJ Smith

   As a teenager, I absolutely loved LJ Smith and the Secret Circle was one of the top series of hers that I loved. it was through LJ Smith that I acquired one of my best friends that I am still friends with after all these year. The secret circle was a great supernatural, coming of age underdog story. By the time it came to the CW, I was skeptical because the Vampire Diaries had already shown me that the CW liked to change the story for more teen drama. And sure enough, I saw the trailer for the Secret circle and read about it--and they changed everything. It seemed that the only thing that was true to the story was the character Faith. Otherwise, everything was a mess. It got cancelled after only 1 season, so, I don't think I'm the only one that was pissed off.

The Queen of the Damned

   When I was 14yrs old I watch Interview with a Vampire. And shortly there after, I read the rest of the series. My favorite of the novels being The Queen of the Damned. I've figure out over the years of reading that I enjoy multiple POVs in my story if the Author writes them well enough that they all feel unique and different, which Anne Rice did with all the characters of QOTD. It is such a rich world with so many interesting facetes. It tells of the beginning of vampires in this world and the end. And none of these things transferred to the movie well at all. They changed characters, got rid of key characters and changed the plot. The entire time I watched the movie I couldn't help bursting out with curses and angry tirades of how this or that didn't happen, until my friend (who doesn't read) yelled at me to let her enjoy this good movie with the hot guy. Is that why they had Stuart Townsend half naked and brooding (far too often to be Lestat btw)  is to try to make people blind to the terrible plot? We may never know.

There are many others. Quite a few Stephen King stories change by the time they get to screen, but that could be because of their size. And there are many others that can't make it.

Now onto the good

    I'll start with a mention of a few off the top of my head that were close enough to be enjoyable tv or films. Then I will mention my favorite adaption.

The Help

   If you haven't read this novel or seen the movie, I highly recommend both. I won't spoil the plot for you, but I will say that the film did great at following the book and their choice of actors was spot on. This is a movie that I rewatch, and that's saying a lot.

Interview with a Vampire

   Although it's sequel movie sucked and still fills me with rage, this story was pretty close to the novel. Yes, they changed the family he grieved for from a crazy brother to a wife and son. And yes, Antonio Banderas was not a 19yr beautiful Parisian (probably to keep things from feeling squicky) and No, Lestat didn't turn Daniel (the interviewer) into a vampire (that was Armond). But the rest of it flowed along the original plot line. And the actors did a fantastic job.

Harry Potter series

    Overall, they did pretty good with the adaption. Movie 4 took out a lot of the personal story and focused on the action. But overall, the series followed the books well and I can enjoy an occasional HP binge watch. 

And to my favorite adaption...

Outlander

    At first I thought I enjoyed the show primarily because the novels are my favorite read by far. Maybe it does lend to my bias. Or maybe I love the actors they chose, but I don't think that is the whole of my enjoyment.

    One reason I think this show works, is that it is a cable tv series that is about 1 hour long per episode. So they have a lot of time to cover the chunky stories in each large novel. Trying to cram these into a trilogy wouldn't work. Neither would having it on prime time tv in 30 min. slot. Of course the adult content also wouldn't work for that either. The Novels are simply too big for those and I think putting it into a long series on cable was the best choice.

    Each season is one novel. We just finished season 5 and currently Diana Gabalden is nearly finished with book 9. So, as long as people keep loving the show, we should get quite a few more seasons, for which I am ecstatic. 

    Now before you ask, No, it isn't exactly perfectly the same as the novels, but some of the changes I liked. If it weren't for the small changes, Murtaugh would have died at Culloden, instead of refound in America. Murtaugh was a favorite character of mine in the books and I was sad when he died in the books. There are a few other small changes, but nothing that changes the story overtly. So, I can deal.

    The last thing I will mention about outlander that is superb is the music by Bear Mccreary. Beautiful. Lovely music. Very nice scores for the intro and throughout the episodes.

There are more but I will leave off here.

What are some adaptions you loved? What are some you hated? What are some that changed but it was for the better?  Let me know. :D

Love Triangle using Zoey's Extrordinary Playlist as example

 

The Love Triangle

    As in many romantic stories, be they in cinema, novels or television, the love triangle is used to give some friction to the story or obstacles for the main protagonist to over come. 

    Often times the person is in a relationship with a person who is either terrible,  merely blase' or just not a fit and the protagonist meets the perfect match for them. They then have to decide whether to stay with  the person they are with or take a chance on love. Some examples are "Sleepless in Seattle" where the main protagonist cares about her fiance, but she falls instantly in love with Tom Hank's character and thinks they may be destined to be together. Another is "Sweet Home Alabama." Her guy is seemingly great but after going home and being reminded of her roots and her deep love for her ex, she realizes that her current beau is not a good fit and that she had to be a different person. There are many others that I'm sure you can recall. 

    So why bring up Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist? 

    Mainly because, in movies especially, the writers work hard to make us either hate the first love interest, pity them, or just feeling kinda Meh about them being cast off.  The main reason is so that as a viewer you don't dislike the main protagonist. I mean, if the heroine has a fantastic guy that she throws over and breaks his heart into itty bitty pieces, we as the viewer disassociate with that character and frankly don't give a shit if she found true love. The heartless bitch. 

    And it gets a bit repetitive. I find myself watching these movies or reading these stories and  I'll be looking hard for the scooby clues that the person the protagonist is with is actually an asshole. (See Hans from Frozen). And although I feel like a super sleuth when the person shows their true nature, I also kinda feel like I've been let down by a trope.

Why Zoey's is different 

    This story is different because both men (Max and Simon) are genuinely likeable and attractive. They both care about Zoey and have her best interest at heart. They also are both very attracted to her and want to be with her even though she can be quirky and at times self involved.

 

    Now there is a good reason she is distracted. First off her father is slowly dying and the whole family is trying to band together to be there for him and each other. The second reason is that after a freak MRI accident Zoey is constantly hearing people sing (and dance) to her about their issues. Her friend Mo calls them "Heart Songs" So, yeah, valid reason for distraction.

    This music is also how she found out that her closest friend Max loves her romantically and it also showed her Simon's pain and allowed her to be able to talk to him about deep issues and get close to him. So now here are two men that want her and feel an emotional connection to and she knows it because of their heart songs. Both men are a little jealous of each other, but neither of them have thrown hands or acted like fools because they know that Zoey has too much going on in her life right now to deal with a pissing contest. The music also brought her a new close friend and confidant in the form of her next door neighbor, the fabulous Mo (Formerly Unique on Glee). Mo gives good advice and tries to help Zoey figure out her musical issue while singing and sashaying into our hearts. 

    By the time season 1 ended, nobody had a clue who she would or should pick. And it will probably be put off another season, not only for the rating but because of some awful stuff happening outside of Zoey's love life. 

    Some people are hardcore Max fans as he knows her so well. He's always been there for her and will probably always be there for her. He comforts her, he helps her when she's floundering at work, he cares about her family, and he called Simon when he thought Zoey might need him more.

    Some people are hardcore Simon. He's smart, sweet, kind and in touch with his emotions. He knows what Zoey's going through as he is still grieving the loss of his father. He's a gentle soul that is there for Zoey when she needs advice or a shoulder to cry on. And the chemistry between them is sizzling.

    I look forward to watching the next season to see how this story plays out. Because whoever she chooses will bring mixed emotions. I will cheer her romance, while at the same time wanting to hug the other man to make him feel better. Which is a nice change from the writers shoving asshole qualities into a potential good guy and forcing us to hate them or feel blah about their loss.

    Plus, it has some great music and fun flash mob dancing scenes that suck you in to the fun aspect of the show.

What do you think of love triangles? Have you noticed this theme of making one of the choices unlikable? Have you seem Zoey's extraordinary playlist? What do you think of Max and Simon?

Let me know. I love hearing from you.

Two weeks of blogging everyday (hopefully) in preparation of NaNoWriMo

 

                           I'm doing NaNoWrimo this year.

    For a while now I have felt uninspired. Even before the pandemic and isolation, I have had difficulty getting up the oomph to sit and write. Some of it has been my husband's health problems, a lot of it over the last couple years was a hectic work schedule managing an understaffed salon. I guess since Covid closed it down for good, I don't have to worry about that anymore. You would think I would have oodles of time to write and I do--technically.  But it just has been a struggle...

    This year I decided that come hell or high water (which both are a possibility this year. heh) I am participating in Nano. 30 glorious days of frenzied writing as I race toward 50 thousand words by the end of November. I stress, but I also work really well under pressure. The one time I specifically remember winning NaNo was during a time that I was going to college full time, had two toddlers, a house to clean, 2 companies I reviewed books for and a writing group that I was in. And somehow, I won. I wrote everyday for that as well as for the writing group and papers out the wazoo for undergrad work.

    If I could do it back in the day, then I should be able to motivate my unemployed, college graduate, teen mom ass into writing successfully this year. I just need some extra motivation--hence NaNoWriMo.

    I don't want to work on the book yet. Somehow it feels like cheating. I know I'll add more words afterwards as 50 K isn't enough for a full length novel. But, I want to wait until November 1st and burst through he door. So how do I get into the rythm of writing every day to get ready?  I don't want to work on other work and overextend or distract myself. And that's when it hit me...

    I'm going to blog each day. 

    I've always enjoyed putting some of the passing ideas I've had out into the world. And I am up in the wee morning hours with hubby when he gets up before the butt crack of dawn and usually stay up a couple hours after he leaves in order to wake my children for online school. What better time is there than when the house is quiet? Hubby is gone, kids are snoozing and even the cats are asleep after an early morning feeding. 

    There you have it. I will be blogging everyday until November first. And who knows. Maybe if me and my muse have a reconciliation, I may continue blogging at least weekly. 

    Let me know if you NaNo.