Earlier this morning I came across a post in one of my writing groups. The person seemed almost shy when they asked for advice on writing s*x. They couldn't even write the word sex. They may have censored it because of FB police. But I think it had more to do with the fact that speaking openly about sex is still a bit Taboo.
We're not as bad as we used to be when it comes to sex and passion, but it is still a sticky subject when it comes to publicly speaking about it. It's more likely that you'll be exposed to Gore and other graphic content then you will be to extreme romance (if you will).
Which does seem strange to me. I can see a person get eviscerated on a tv show but don't you dare give me the vapors by showing me carnal passion. lol
As far as writing it you have to get the physical stuff right first. One author friend of mine used her daughters barbies to see if a sex position could be logical. Other's use modeling dolls or software to ensure they are accurate. I mean, it'll take you right out of the story if the guys penis is at a 90 degree angle and goes around corners. Or if the girl has shelf booty and the guy is trying spooning.
After you handle the physics of sex, you have to get in touch with the emotional aspect of their love making. You have to remember or imagine that vulnerability and overwhelming sensory overload as well as the psychological ramifications. Sounds simple, right?
Yes and no. For a while, when I was beginning my writing career, my children were small and very needy. My cats were also forcefully lovey and don't give a damn if you want/have to write. During that time, feeling sexy or romantic is hard both in fiction and in real life. I would start to get in the rhythm of writing a tender, erotic scene and the kiddos would fight or get hurt or need food/drink/diaper change. And that would yank me right out of the moment as fast as if someone threw ice water on me in the middle of coitus. Or the cats would jump onto my computer typing their version of Old McDonalds E-I-E-I-Oooooooooo...
And even if I was lucky enough to be able to write while the kids occupied themselves or were napping in the middle of the day, I had a vague sense of wrongness to it. Like I was watching porn out in the open in the light of day with the sound up and the doors and windows open. I wasn't but I was so immersed in the scene that I could touch, taste, smell, feel and see the sweat glistening on skin as my lovers whispered sweet nothings to the music of their love making. When I was done, I would glance up startled to see my messy cluttered living room and the tv on a rerun of some sitcom. The fire lit dimness of my mind slowly vanishing to the realism of the day.
Most times, I ran around like a crazy person and had no time during the day. I was a full time college student at that time as well and had to write so many dry, logical, APA critical research papers. By the time I slogged through those my Muse was sickly and weak.
My best time during those hectic earlier days was at night. When the lights were low, the kids and cats were asleep and the house was blissfully silent. I would finish up my "logical" school stuff and then settle in to write my stories. Many nights I sacrificed sleep just to get those uninterrupted moments in. But, in the dark solitude, I was able to revive my muse and fully pour myself into the sex scenes and with it being dark, it seemed a little more natural and a little wicked instead of out right lecherous. When I came out of my writing daze the night seemed to embrace me and leave me feeling like I'd created something beautiful instead of adolescent directed porn.
And as a side note. I read some books from other authors on how to write sex scenes. I read blogs and listened to podcasts. And I had my husband write some of the books from the male's perspective because he knows better than I how things feel physically and emotionally. That's one of the reasons we created Heather Geoffires because having both sides seems to make it more realistic.(For any of you that have read how men write women and how some women write men honestly, you know what I'm talking about.)
Anyway. Writing sex scenes can be difficult and weird. These are some random thoughts I had this early morning.
How do you feel about writing sex. What about when you read it? Any advice?
