Friday, February 28, 2014

Why I would suck at surviving the Zombie Apocolypse.

I am a fan of zombie movies and stories.
(I have really wanted to write a book about the end of days--maybe featuring zombies maybe a plague. I dunno yet. but I think it sounds super fun.)
The Walking Dead is an itch I scratch every Sunday night and I have read some really good zombie apocalypse books. (my favorite right now being J.L. Bourne's Day by Day Armageddon.)

I have talked at great lengths with my hubby and friends about our zombie apocalypse plan and the "What would you do?" Oftentimes we have great discussions while watching the walking dead, picking apart the actions of the characters. I've even taken the quizzes. According to them I would be a long term survivor and I'm most like Michonne (Hells yeah).

But in reality, I know that it would really suck if I got plopped down into the middle of the chaos of the ZA.
Let's talk first about my fighting skills; Which are---none. I have basic fighting skills and no weapons except for whatever I can get ahold of...and yeah. You can bet your ass that I'll be grabbing shovels, baseball bats(with nails stuck in them) and anything else I can grab and go all Tyreese on those MoFos
but--still not a gun. Or a wicked kitana. Or a tank.

And talking about tanks. My vehicle blows chunks. It's not a fast sports car or a big 4x4 truck. It would so not be my choice for a survival vehicle. The one car related skill that might help is my ability and knowledge of siphoning gas and my awareness that newer cars have a nifty feature that prevents that. So, as long as I come accross some older vehicles with gas--I'm square.
--also, I'd like to note that unlike Rick in the walking dead. I am not a horse person. The last time I rode a horse, I was 9 and we fell off. That is not promising equestrian skills.
Next: I have a family. My hubby/my soul-mate and two little innocent girls. As well as parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews and cousins that I give a big damn about.  And a handful of good friends. So not only would I be watching Hubby's back and protecting my girls with every fiber of my being but I would have to try to save the rest of my family/friends as well. Can you imagine trying to protect little children in a time like that? Not easy. At. ALL.)
le'sigh. The idea of anything happening to these people and especially my girls fills me with so much dread and horror that I'd have a bleeding ulcer by time a week was out during the apocalypse.
Now, that is bad enough but here's another fun kicker. I am as bad as a damn child when it comes to my pets. When my cats are sick or missing or in pain, I worry and dither. So--if I had to abandon them to save my family, I would worry about them. I would picture every horrible thing that could befall them happening. (again, bleeding ulcer). And if I saw a zombie eating them, it would play over and over in my head at random times for the rest of my life--eating away at my heart
And we would have to move eventually. Even though it would take awhile to get to our little town (as it would obliterate larger cities first) the herd of walkers would eventually sweep through the area and we can't forget the zombies that are buried. If those come out to play--whooee. That'll be fun because our area is lousy with graveyards. Hell there's one within view of my house. We would be screwed.
The only--and I mean only thing that might save our asses is if the Zombie Apocalypse happens during these Polar Vortexes. Eventually it will freeze the zombies. Even if they cannot feel pain, eventually, without warm blood coursing through their tissue they will freeze like a slab of meat. It might happen after a few appendages break off but, I'm not picky.
If it happens in the summer--well. Then I'm headed north until it passes. (maybe I could hook my cats up to a sled. People do it with dogs...hmm)

So. Here is my circling thoughts for the night. How about you? How would you fare in the world of undead chaos?
What's your favorite movie/show/book about the undead? I'd love to hear your thoughts. :D