Night Owl author with an Earlybird life

You know, no matter what time of day I try to write, I feel the most creative at night.

Over the years, I've tried to adapt to a more fluent writing schedule. i.e. Writing during the morning and daytime--even going as far as setting an alarm to wake up earlier to write before the day speeds ahead.

And no matter what I do, it never works. About the only time my head feels clear and open and my fingers feel like tapping along my keyboard for any project, be it novel writing or blogging, is at night, when the kiddos slumber and my house is dark and quiet. That is when my Muse wakes up.

This would be awesome if I was independently wealthy or my writing career was such that I could live off of it, but at this particular juncture, I have to work at my day job. Technically, it isn't as early as when I was a substitute teacher and had to wake up at 5:30am but usually after getting my kiddos to school in the morning, I have to leave for work by 9:30 and don't get home until at least 6pm or later on the weekends. Then usually I have dinner and family time and I catch up on TV shows with my hubby. We finally get the girls to bed sometime after 10 ish and then hubby and I chat and spend time together until about 11pm. I've thought about it and the family time with the girls and the "us" time with hubby have to stay.

Now it's between 11 and midnight and my Muse is poking my and insisting that I write. Sometimes I give in to him and sometimes the day has worn me down and I just need some sleep. Sadly, I know that if I give in to slumber, I will wash, rinse, repeat the next day and will probably not feel like writing until the next night. If I have a day off the next day, I give in to my Muse and run on a long manic, fevered adventure that leaves me glowing at the wonder of the written word. Unfortunately, they are few and far between.

I feel bad when a week whizzes by and I haven't given my Muse the time of day. I'm neglecting him and I can tell when it is too long and he is moody. He fights me when I try to start up again. I struggle with the words and imagery. It feels dry and almost painful. He sulks and broods and gives me the cold shoulder and I spend much of my time soothing him and cajoling him to come play with me again. I promise that I won't forget him for as long and gradually we have our grand adventures again.

Until I get busy working 40+ hours standing on my feet and then go ride bikes with the kiddos or take them to the water park or spend time with hubby. Then another week or 2 flies by before I poke my Muse and he is once again angry and hurt that I have not been there on the adventures.

He is not gone during those long periods. He does try to get a hold of me. When I'm in the shower, he'll show me a critical scene to one of my WIPs that I do not have time to write down and usually forget. In my car I can see the next scene in a story unfold before I pull into the parking lot at work and then push it to the side as I jump into my life. And most especially while I sleep next to my husband in the still hours of the early morning, he whispers to me, teasing me and taunting me about the epic climax or the cute meet that I won't remember in the light of the morning. I'll remember these moments (mostly) the next time I finally reach out to my Muse and I'm pretty sure he remembers them, too. And that is why he is so upset with me because he was trying to bridge the gap. He put more effort into our relationship.
I, on the other hand always put him last and he knows it. One day, maybe he'll leave for good. I certainly hope not as that day would make my life bleaker.

But for now, my early day time schedule does not allow for my nighttime inspiration. But maybe I can compromise. Maybe instead of shooting into a three hour crazed marathon of creative writing, I can give just a little bit of my time to my Muse. Maybe a half hour will suffice to keep our connection strong and keep my Muse happy.
I can't quit my day job and I won't quit my family, but maybe it's time to let my Muse come visit more and maybe it would be good for me to go on a few more grand adventures.

How I seem to make the wrong choices with my career

This is a post about some thoughts I've had lately on some of my previous decisions and some upcoming decisions.
I feel a bit lost on what I should do.

So far, I have successfully made critically wrong decisions when it came to my career choices and getting ahead.

Here are some examples of past errors before I share my newest conundrum.

When I first got out of high school, I was one of those kids that was a bit aimless. I mean, I had a plan to pursue a singing career and I planned on being smart about it by going to music colleges and making my way up the ladder until I became a background character in an off Broadway production. I knew I was decent at singing, dancing and acting, but I also knew I wasn't awesome. I have a good ear and I was adequate. That would probably be enough to get me there.
But, I hadn't applied for college before graduation and I hadn't taken my SAT s or tried to get a scholarship for the dozens of choirs and music things I was in. smh.

My mom, at that time, was opposed to the idea of me going off to college and told me that I would need a good job to pay for my dorm etc. And suggested Cosmetology school. Now, that was a laugh. I was the opposite of fashionable in high school. But I decided...Why not. May as well do it and have that as a backup.

Fast forward. I got my license and after a couple hitches, found myself at a busy, thriving salon in a busy mall and for quite a few years I did well monetarily and I realized that I was good at doing hair. But, I left after 7 years to raise my 2 babies. I worked at another salon and realized that each year I worked as a stylist, the less money I made and the harder it got on my legs and back.

Sooo, I went back to college like my hubby did. I was going to get a degree in English. Either in creative writing or as a teacher, but then I took intro into Psychology and I was hooked. I loved digging into how the brain works. And 4 years later I got a Bachelor's in Psychology--which in essence is useless on it's own. It's a stepping stone toward counseling, Psychology or even business. All it got me on it's own is the ability to become a substitute teacher.

So then I became a substitute teacher. I do like it for the most part. I don't like early mornings and some weeks no schools call for a substitute, which makes money tight. Plus, summer vacation time doesn't need substitutes, so we were broke then.

Then came working part time in the summer and into part of the school year at the original salon that is much slower than it used to be and is in a half dead mall with nearly no foot traffic. The owners of the mall are trying to resuscitate it, but it is slow going. And many people don't even know our salon is in this dark nearly empty wing.

One other thing to mention before the problem. I am getting my Master's degree in Instructional design (in ITEC in Educational Psychology) I won't go into how I chose this path, but I will say, that even though IDs can make good money, they don't in impoverished Ashtabula county and they usually have to intern somewhere for a while to get experience, if they want to be an independent contractor. Meaning, I still can't use my degree yet and if I do go intern somewhere, I would have to go to a bigger county or city to get hired. I plan to get my PHD in it, which will afford me more education, more time for a decision and maybe it will assist in getting hired when I'm done.

Now to the present day. With my educational hiatus in mind, I stayed at the salon in the dying mall after summer break. I planned to step back to part, part time just to stay in the system until the next summer break came around where I could up my hours.

Then things went crazy.
-First: We were bought by a new company that started making big changes, some seem good. Others--we'll have to see. And we are stuck somewhere between the old system and the new with a lot of things not working and our previous place pulling out support. Leaving us dangling in limbo for a functional system.
- Then my manager and friend who had been a manager for 6yrs. Decided that the stress was too much and she was finally done with the place. She left and is much happier. I am happy for her peace of mind.
-Next another good stylist, who had been there for a while, took over management, but from the start he planned to leave at the end of April. Sad, but not really a problem.
-Until, the rest of the girls begged me to take over as manager. I held off for a bit. Weighing the pros and cons and finally decided that I could do it. If nothing else, it would be better money (slightly).

I took over the 40+ hours (which my body does not like at all now that I'm in my late 30s) and began trying to be manager. I was shown some things, but I'm pretty sure there were missed items. And no matter what we did, I cannot access the main work email or group meet place that I need to use to get information and do my job efficiently
Then my supervisor came in  for about 4 hours and continuously treated my like a harebrained idiot that couldn't remember the simplest thing. (which really ticked me off. Treating me like I'm stupid is one of my biggest pet peeves.) She talked down to me. She talked past me to one of the younger girls and she talked about me behind my back to one of my girls (so unprofessional) She told the girl that she couldn't get anything done because I couldn't stop talking. Um NO. I was pissed off, which means I don't talk that much. The reason she didn't get anything done is because she kept forgetting shit, kept sending up to rearrange crap all over the store to her liking and she kept talking. My stylist was POd and agreed that it wasn't me.
She then finally sent me a consent to do a background check form and told me that I wasn't a manager or getting paid as a manager until it went through and she got me in the system. I had already been acting as a manager for nearly a week at this point. Three days later it went through, but my supervisor was on vacation for another week, so I know she didn't put me in. It's been three weeks and I am not getting paid as a manager, I can't access the system and I can't hire anybody, which I need to do because we are short staffed. I spoke with her today and she was condescending. AGAIN.

So my dilemma (sort of) is that a closer, busier salon where a friend works, desperately wants me. I won't be manager (which I am more than fine with), but I can get as many hours and get the same pay as I have been getting. I am probably going to quit the one place and go to this one. It seems less stressful, it isn't slowly decaying like the other and I don't have to EVER talk to that supervisor again.

I just worry, that with my track record, that I am making another bad choice. What if I should stay and try to bring the current salon back to life. What if I should give it my everything and just ignore that woman that treats me like shit? But, what if I should go to this nicer place and find some peace of mind while I navigate my education?

If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them.Either on here or on FB or Twitter.
Thanks in advance.

(P.s. I usually post a lot of photos and Gifs, but this post seemed like it should have less flash and more text. I hope you don;t mind. :) )