I got hurt. I've been called a hero. I mostly just feel stupid.

On Tuesday night I got hurt at work.

Picture from another salon, but same mirrors and stations to give you an idea of what they look like.

A very large oversized mirror (Maybe 4 ft by 3ft) trimmed in wood and weighing a shit ton (Not really. It is just super crazy heavy) fell off the wall, barely missing a kid's head and was coming toward me, the kid's mom and his brother sideways so the impact would have probably projected glass right at us.

Now I didn't really have time to think all of this. At least not consciously. I just knew that breaking glass with kiddos around would be very bad JuJu. And without thinking I lunged for the mirror and caught the top and side, which then yanked me forward with the weight and velocity of the fall. As I struggled to not drop it, it swung around and slammed into the side of my neck, jaw and collarbone.

I was stunned temporarily and somehow didn't drop the damn thing. The mom rushed over, helped me lower it and asked if I was OK. After my ears stopped ringing I felt the stinging/burning pain in my neck. And when I looked it was bright red and puffy. She was amazed at my reflexes. I was--still in shock. In fact I was cold and shaky for a bit. All I could keep thinking was: It hit my neck! My freakin' neck! That is not good at all. On the side of my neck is the Carotid Artery and the Jugular and what about my esophagus?! My head is still ringing and I have a headache. Do I have a concussion?

I grabbed something cool out of the fridge (A bottle of dressing because we don't have ice cubes in our tiny fridge) and called my manager. He seemed shocked and concerned and told me I could leave if I wanted. The mother's boyfriend, at that time, showed up with a gallon baggie of ice, which I gratefully pressed to my very painful, throbbing neck.
I told the mom I thought I was alright but I would see. I finished her 2nd and 3rd kid's haircuts, while monitoring myself. I was still shakey and cold. but I was coherent and speaking fine. My pupils were equal and responsive and I had no bruising behind my ear...So--probably no concussion. But, man, that neck wound looked and felt awful.

My manager came rushing in with a cold pack and began shutting down the store for me. I rang out the customers, told them I was so glad that it hadn't hit on of the kids, and walked down to the urgent care. They checked me, said I seemed fine, follow up with my doctor but keep an eye on it, because I could have damage the artery wall and it could aneurysm for up to 2 weeks....Wait. What?!

So, I drive home and spent a good portion of the night trying not to flip the hell out. I was scared. What if I went to sleep and it popped like a balloon and I died? How would I keep an eye on it? I'm not qualified. They said that it would swell but watch for too much swelling. How much is too much?
It was rough trying to pretend to be okay when inside I was rocking and babbling and panicking.

And you know the main thing I felt? Stupid.
Why did I try to catch a huge mirror? I'm not a superhero with super strength.

 Why was my automatic response to run toward a mirror that could have done much worse things to me? Why? Why? Why? If I hadn't done this asinine thing I wouldn't be hurting with whiplash, headache, muscle ache, and throbbing (potentially fatal) neck wound. Why did I have to be so stupid?

And you know the simple answer.

I couldn't have stood by and let it crash and hurt those kids. If I hadn't done it they could have been sliced up. I am so glad they were okay. And I know it could have been worse.

But as I got ultrasounds on my neck and Xrays on my clavicle. As I move gingerly because my muscles are stiff and painful and as I gingerly (and fearfully) took a shower and avoided getting hot water on my neck (because, dude, what if the artery wall gets loose or extra blood flows up through there and POP) And as I pop Motrin and muscle relaxers like candy, but still have a headache. And as my body temperature is still whacky for reasons unknown, I still walk/shuffle/stagger away feeling very foolish and kicking myself for putting myself into this predicament.

People have said I was a hero, but I don't feel that way at all. So, if you have called me a hero and I answered somewhat awkwardly, it's because I'm not feeling courageous or heroic. I feel old, bruised, battered and stupid. But thanks for saying it anyway.